With only these words left to give, seeing that others, through producing children and caring for our place in the sustainable future of this world, give more, should I stop comparing and simply be?
A gasshopper crawls across a tree leaf. A leafhopper crawls across a blade of grass. A squirrel chews on the house and also plants nuts, reseeding the forest that shades the house in summer.
We find the purposes we seek and marvel at the ones that find us.
If I am practically useless and virtually useful, what am I?
Some days, jumbling these words would have an equal effect. On what? On whom?
A thanks to Kellie, Emily, Jesse, Tom, Cedric, Shondra and Sarah.
If I completely let go, how hard will I fall?
Do not leave this box in heat and sunlight.
Songs of my youth play in my thoughts sometimes - railroads, canals, wagons, caissons, roses, dresses, spiders, prairies, kingdoms, flags and ideas refeature themselves in my adult brain/central nervous system. If we take music classes out of school, do we leave our children to drink from public wells, whatever that means?
What are the rhythms that make us move?
If I say I no longer care about myself, how can I say I care about those involved in my life? Contrapuntal contradiction or atonal tonality?
Would a prepared piano make a good composition tool for this blog? Have you ever heard a spider web sing?
If you won't support small businesses, then who's going to make employment plausible?
If you don't know who you really are, then don't try to figure out who I am or where I'm at. "I" is a casualty of a convenient labeling system. That's all I am. What about "you"?
Fin left me a message - time to take a break and unjumble the new image of the bigger picture. If it's not rocket science, then why do people spend billions and still can't see?
Those who pretend at keeping secrets die anyway, so why bother wasting your time with them?
Wise sayings urge you to look toward the light for a reason - darkness obscures the truth. In and of itself, darkness is absence and has no substance - don't mistake darkness for presence.
You'll see.
2010-08-31
2010-08-30
On This Day In History...
Still realigning my investment strategies to coincide with Taleb's THEORY OF BLACK SWANS (booming ominously dramatic music in background).
If you aren't a member of the club, are you a worker at the club or an exclusive supplier?
Many ways to keep a system operational, all of them perfectly valid, if not legal.
And if you aren't at the club, do you keep squirrels hanging in trees to record events for later retransmission?
Every leaf has a story, every page its day in the sun.
Rarely do face-to-face discussions go unwarranted. Without warranties, perhaps, or guarantees.
Life is easier with your own set of invisible-to-radar UAV eyes-in-the-sky.
Besides, what's a UAV if not a UFO?
What is a UFO if not a black swan?
Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the spell of an English mum.
'Tis quaint to log a blog in a catalogue, but if a log is unlogged, what's a pollywog?
Never could keep Polly from wanting that cracker. That's what I get for ferreting parroting birds-o'-paradise playing craps with pairs of dice.
Never see religion for what it's not. See it for what it's got. If it's got not, that's not what you've got.
And after that phase is over, have you kept track of the path in the wilderness laid for the next one? Deserts, mountains, passes, forests, jungles and plains - are you ready to start all over again?
Then there was nine...
If you aren't a member of the club, are you a worker at the club or an exclusive supplier?
Many ways to keep a system operational, all of them perfectly valid, if not legal.
And if you aren't at the club, do you keep squirrels hanging in trees to record events for later retransmission?
Every leaf has a story, every page its day in the sun.
Rarely do face-to-face discussions go unwarranted. Without warranties, perhaps, or guarantees.
Life is easier with your own set of invisible-to-radar UAV eyes-in-the-sky.
Besides, what's a UAV if not a UFO?
What is a UFO if not a black swan?
Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the spell of an English mum.
'Tis quaint to log a blog in a catalogue, but if a log is unlogged, what's a pollywog?
Never could keep Polly from wanting that cracker. That's what I get for ferreting parroting birds-o'-paradise playing craps with pairs of dice.
Never see religion for what it's not. See it for what it's got. If it's got not, that's not what you've got.
And after that phase is over, have you kept track of the path in the wilderness laid for the next one? Deserts, mountains, passes, forests, jungles and plains - are you ready to start all over again?
Then there was nine...
The Owl and the Hummingbird
How many dozens of automobile manufacturers directly fed innovations into the few surviving manufacturers' vehicles of today? How many rocket designers/manufacturers will provide one or two innovations for the space transportation systems of next century?
How many people do you think are being exploited while they think they're in better conditions than their family/peers?
We compare, are compared and justify our comparisons.
Owls call out in the woods this morning, reminiscent of tribal warriors signalling one another on the warpath.
Is your business so profitable you can pay someone to stand and open doors for incoming/outgoing customers? How many people can/want to earn a living wage engaged in the activity of being the "face" of your company?
Does your stomach ever say "Hello!" to you?
Give the people the "secret" information they suspect exists and they probably won't bother asking about levels of information they know nothing about. Always pretend the onion has more layers than any one person has access to.
States of energy. Can you deprogram/desensitise/untrain yourself to stop seeing layers and boundaries? Or are you so well conditioned that you'd rather seek the comfort of boxes and labels?
We have programs for both the former and latter cases. We'll guide you in the direction that best suits your temperament, some with Tommy gun in hand and some with pacifist tendencies in thoughts.
Elegant linguist or Liverpool lisper, we speak your language.
Create a world of familiarity and most remain transfixed, readily volunteering to consume Muzak and mushy baby food in order to preserve a sense of personal integrity, dignity and consistent connections to ancestors/ancestry.
The sun never rises, appearances to the contrary.
Hard to say retail therapy is not the best substitute for subsistence farming, is it?
The magic of hypnosis is not magic at all. Follow the bouncing ball because it's the only interesting object moving in your viewing range. Even the dyslexic blind can get scholarships to attend university tuition-free.
Do hummingbirds know that owls exist, praying mantises a more probable threat?
How many people do you think are being exploited while they think they're in better conditions than their family/peers?
We compare, are compared and justify our comparisons.
Owls call out in the woods this morning, reminiscent of tribal warriors signalling one another on the warpath.
Is your business so profitable you can pay someone to stand and open doors for incoming/outgoing customers? How many people can/want to earn a living wage engaged in the activity of being the "face" of your company?
Does your stomach ever say "Hello!" to you?
Give the people the "secret" information they suspect exists and they probably won't bother asking about levels of information they know nothing about. Always pretend the onion has more layers than any one person has access to.
States of energy. Can you deprogram/desensitise/untrain yourself to stop seeing layers and boundaries? Or are you so well conditioned that you'd rather seek the comfort of boxes and labels?
We have programs for both the former and latter cases. We'll guide you in the direction that best suits your temperament, some with Tommy gun in hand and some with pacifist tendencies in thoughts.
Elegant linguist or Liverpool lisper, we speak your language.
Create a world of familiarity and most remain transfixed, readily volunteering to consume Muzak and mushy baby food in order to preserve a sense of personal integrity, dignity and consistent connections to ancestors/ancestry.
The sun never rises, appearances to the contrary.
Hard to say retail therapy is not the best substitute for subsistence farming, is it?
The magic of hypnosis is not magic at all. Follow the bouncing ball because it's the only interesting object moving in your viewing range. Even the dyslexic blind can get scholarships to attend university tuition-free.
Do hummingbirds know that owls exist, praying mantises a more probable threat?
2010-08-28
07734
To keep my funny bone feeling sharp, I do not adjust my TV set. I read, or, to join the flock of me2 techsters, iRead.
To accomplish that, we stopped first at McCutchen's Magnolia House, home of our favorite dedicated owners of the former Blue Willow Cafe, and now reincarnated as a finer version of the former, the antiques cleared out and offering a hot bar, meat with either two and three veggies, with a variety of enticing desserts spread across the top of the bar. Of course, the menu offered inducements for further investigations in hungry haunting before/after visiting UBC.
[Cue segue music] At Unclaimed Baggage Center, I tried on a $1300 100% cashmere men's coat (Giorgio Beverly Hills?) priced at $225 or thereabouts.
Current budget not cut out for cashmere, I opted for a lightweight coat and some pants ($10 to $15 each*) to leave room for books.
Also stopped at Keepsakes on the Scottsboro town square, me picking up another book and my wife some scrapbooking supplies.
Later on, we shopped at Mike's Merchandise in Huntsville and added to the assortment. The list:
-----------------
* Pants: Pierre Cardin Paris, $3.29; Dockers (never worn), $10.59; Kenneth Cole New York, $15.59; Brooks Brothers, $12.59. Coat: Alan Lebow, $15.59.
To accomplish that, we stopped first at McCutchen's Magnolia House, home of our favorite dedicated owners of the former Blue Willow Cafe, and now reincarnated as a finer version of the former, the antiques cleared out and offering a hot bar, meat with either two and three veggies, with a variety of enticing desserts spread across the top of the bar. Of course, the menu offered inducements for further investigations in hungry haunting before/after visiting UBC.
[Cue segue music] At Unclaimed Baggage Center, I tried on a $1300 100% cashmere men's coat (Giorgio Beverly Hills?) priced at $225 or thereabouts.
Current budget not cut out for cashmere, I opted for a lightweight coat and some pants ($10 to $15 each*) to leave room for books.
Also stopped at Keepsakes on the Scottsboro town square, me picking up another book and my wife some scrapbooking supplies.
Later on, we shopped at Mike's Merchandise in Huntsville and added to the assortment. The list:
- Abraham Lincoln: The Prairie Years (Blue Ribbon Books edition) by Carl Sandburg
- The Debate On The Constitution, Federalist and Antifederalist Speeches, Articles, and Letters During Struggle over Ratification: Part Two
- A People Numerous & Armed: Reflections on the Military Struggle for American Independence, by John Shy
- The Great Decision: Jefferson, Adams, Marshall and The Battle for the Supreme Court, by Cliff Sloan and David McKean
- Shadows At Dawn: A Borderlands Massacre and the Violence of History, by Karl Jacoby
- Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, by John Perkins
- The Spy Within: Larry Chin and China's Penetration of the CIA, by Tod Hoffman
- News of a Kidnapping, by Gabriel García Márquez (translated by Edith Grossman)
- The Great Depression Ahead: How to Prosper in the Crash Following the Greatest Boom in History, by Harry S. Dent, Jr.
- My First Time: a collection of first punk show stories, edited by Chris Duncan
-----------------
* Pants: Pierre Cardin Paris, $3.29; Dockers (never worn), $10.59; Kenneth Cole New York, $15.59; Brooks Brothers, $12.59. Coat: Alan Lebow, $15.59.
Mobile Phone and Cell Tower Manufacturers Say, "Don't Blame Us For Your Cancer!"
What is a life less ordinary? Are you an urban or faubourg dweller? Do you expect your transportation device to be your sanctuary away from home, or perhaps even home itself?
Well, what if we told you our species can no longer afford to give you privacy anymore?
What if we planted the seeds of class warfare by saying that only the rich will be able to say what is and what isn't a right of privacy by virtue of who can afford lead-lined autos, caravans and lorries?
My life is not my own, I know that. But do you?:
Therefore, I'll let you in on a little secret. Those who play the game for real will use these popular media figureheads to complete their agenda without you even noticing. It's just too easy to sway those who've been led to believe they're backed into a virtual corner with no hope to do your bidding, thinking they've independently arrived at the same conclusion as the masses.
When you're rich and bored, fast sports cars and pretty playtoys are boring, are they not? Why sit in front of the computer playing The Sims when you get real people to play out much more complicated scenarios for your casual entertainment (and fattened earnings in the process)?
Back to my real life, where sorting clothes to be washed is a weeklybore chore. ;)
Well, what if we told you our species can no longer afford to give you privacy anymore?
What if we planted the seeds of class warfare by saying that only the rich will be able to say what is and what isn't a right of privacy by virtue of who can afford lead-lined autos, caravans and lorries?
My life is not my own, I know that. But do you?:
Full-Body Scan Technology Deployed In Street-Roving VansI'm not a fan of Beck or Palin, seeing them as puppets of the Murdoch empire's desire to grow out of the media business and get fully entrenched in running world politics.
Therefore, I'll let you in on a little secret. Those who play the game for real will use these popular media figureheads to complete their agenda without you even noticing. It's just too easy to sway those who've been led to believe they're backed into a virtual corner with no hope to do your bidding, thinking they've independently arrived at the same conclusion as the masses.
- Did you know that non-Oirish tiger teams are already scoping out neighbourhoods where best to make a quick, tidy profit in all parts of the world (for instance, using Google maps and illegal copies of full body scans to detail the locations/routes/habits of those who walk/drive around wearing expensive clothing/accessories), security teams bribed to look the other way and the local police totally unaware or unable to help? "Average" middle-class families with regular incomes are on the target lists now.
- Would you believe that nanotechnology is in use in our workplace, fully deployed in the water supply, bottled water/soda stations and vending machines, turning workers into codependent addicts?
- Did you know that the contents of your mobile phone are periodically collected by mobile phone companies and passed to authorities in order to keep tabs on your whereabouts, friends, texts, emails, music preferences, shopping habits and photography subject tendencies?
When you're rich and bored, fast sports cars and pretty playtoys are boring, are they not? Why sit in front of the computer playing The Sims when you get real people to play out much more complicated scenarios for your casual entertainment (and fattened earnings in the process)?
Back to my real life, where sorting clothes to be washed is a weekly
2010-08-27
The Falling Leaves of Early Autumn
Nestled...no
Carved...no
Scraped...no
Landscaped into the landscape, a secondary school campus - its property lines defined by a highway and train tracks - hosted the hopes of two opposing football teams last night.
My niece's husband ("nephew in-law"?) coaches the quarterbacks for Hazel Green High School. His team, the Trojans, faced the Madison County High School Tigers as the sun set over the north Alabama hills - the Keel Mountain "range" and Moontown Airport nearby.
Vintage aeroplanes crisscrossed the skies before the game began, as if an air war were to accompany the pending ground war.
As a child of teachers and a husband of a daughter of teachers, I know all too well the appearance and disappearance of parents' faces as their children enter and exit their school years.
There in front of us everywhere are the precious, specific offspring of adults who've invested more time and and money than they'd want to count preparing their kids for the social setting that public/private schooling provides.
Their stories are similar but never the same. Married parents, divorced parents, widows/widowers, adoptive parents, adaptive parents, involved parents, absentee parents...the list goes on and on.
But they're not just parents. They have lives they believe are their own, defined at least partially outside the parental zone.
For instance, around us last night:
For dinner, we ate at a local steakhouse, Oh Bryan's, (food/beverages served by Jessie), where no one in the place is a stranger to anyone else. I know the worker overlooking the salad bar will take an upcoming trip to the Nashville Zoo. I shook hands with people I don't know although we acted as if we were best friends.
You can't pay for that kind of local friendliness, friendliness that's missing at the political/corporate infighting levels.
And that's why I'm here everyday, because seven billion people are my local friends and neighbours. I am saddened that opportunists make extremist speeches in order to popularise themselves with "like-minded" folks, ingratiating others and making enemies where enemies are not needed.
Drug cartels I can deal with, because politics are unnecessary where guns and money speak louder than words.
I can play the game of subtle political posturing as well, knowing that subcultures need feelings of exclusivity, BUT without raising their fears and anxieties too high.
At lunch yesterday, Miranda, our server at Beauregard's, shared her secret to success with us. She's taking college courses, paying for them with her own money, so that she'll have no debt when she graduates from college with a degree in special education about two years from now. Her happiness and pride in supporting herself shines on her face and in her gray-green eyes.
I sat on the bleachers with the parents, wondering which one(s) of their children will figure out how to self-finance post-secondary school training tracks pointing toward lucrative careers.
Hazel Green pulled off the win last night at Madison County, 7-21. The young men on both sides chased and pounded each other into the ground like warriors. Their seasons barely started, they'll use lessons from this game to start discussions about where they want to be after their secondary school playing years are over.
As the planes buzzed overhead, as the trains chugged by, as a single helicopter flew a little too close to the stadium, I wondered about my own career and what my parents would have thought 30 years ago as I took off my graduation cap and gown to start my post-secondary school life.
Certainly, I am not where I thought I would be with a fully-financed Navy ROTC scholarship at Georgia Tech in my hand back then.
I imagined myself a storyteller from age five onward, writing when and where I can/could. That's where I've always been, my career track a consequence of putting food on the table and a little bit more than that. That's where I'll always be.
How many children in primary and secondary schools know who they are and who they will be from moment to moment? How many parents can say the same?
Circumstances do not make us who we are. Circumstances show to others what we're made of. Writers and thinkers have stated and restated those facts. Non-linguistic animals demonstrate those facts from birth. So do we.
You bring who you are to the game. You take away from the game an appreciation for others and what they're made of. If children know that innately, why do we adults so easily forget?
Isn't it time we relearned who we are and willingly/openly shared ourselves with those who have no want/desire to be what we ignorantly label enemies, who are really just temporary opponents in a game?
Carved...no
Scraped...no
Landscaped into the landscape, a secondary school campus - its property lines defined by a highway and train tracks - hosted the hopes of two opposing football teams last night.
My niece's husband ("nephew in-law"?) coaches the quarterbacks for Hazel Green High School. His team, the Trojans, faced the Madison County High School Tigers as the sun set over the north Alabama hills - the Keel Mountain "range" and Moontown Airport nearby.
Vintage aeroplanes crisscrossed the skies before the game began, as if an air war were to accompany the pending ground war.
As a child of teachers and a husband of a daughter of teachers, I know all too well the appearance and disappearance of parents' faces as their children enter and exit their school years.
There in front of us everywhere are the precious, specific offspring of adults who've invested more time and and money than they'd want to count preparing their kids for the social setting that public/private schooling provides.
Their stories are similar but never the same. Married parents, divorced parents, widows/widowers, adoptive parents, adaptive parents, involved parents, absentee parents...the list goes on and on.
But they're not just parents. They have lives they believe are their own, defined at least partially outside the parental zone.
For instance, around us last night:
- Dee, whose husband received an award of excellence earlier in the day from General Ann Dunwoody, head of the U.S. Army Materiel Command at Redstone Arsenal and the first female four-star general (if you want to bring up good, tough-but-friendly female role models, I'll take 1 Gen. Dunwoody for every 100 Sarah Palins). [Gen Dunwoody comes from a long line of soldiers, reports the BBC. ” ‘A Dunwoody has fought in every American war since the Revolution,’ said army chief of staff Gen George Casey.]
- Meanwhile, a fellow next to me, a happy father, has two sons on the football team and one daughter in the marching band's flag corps. The father retired from the military and now works as a logistics manager for LG. His wife, unable to attend the football game because of a business meeting, is CFO for a small international firm. They hope their daughter will get an engineering degree at university.
For dinner, we ate at a local steakhouse, Oh Bryan's, (food/beverages served by Jessie), where no one in the place is a stranger to anyone else. I know the worker overlooking the salad bar will take an upcoming trip to the Nashville Zoo. I shook hands with people I don't know although we acted as if we were best friends.
You can't pay for that kind of local friendliness, friendliness that's missing at the political/corporate infighting levels.
And that's why I'm here everyday, because seven billion people are my local friends and neighbours. I am saddened that opportunists make extremist speeches in order to popularise themselves with "like-minded" folks, ingratiating others and making enemies where enemies are not needed.
Drug cartels I can deal with, because politics are unnecessary where guns and money speak louder than words.
I can play the game of subtle political posturing as well, knowing that subcultures need feelings of exclusivity, BUT without raising their fears and anxieties too high.
At lunch yesterday, Miranda, our server at Beauregard's, shared her secret to success with us. She's taking college courses, paying for them with her own money, so that she'll have no debt when she graduates from college with a degree in special education about two years from now. Her happiness and pride in supporting herself shines on her face and in her gray-green eyes.
I sat on the bleachers with the parents, wondering which one(s) of their children will figure out how to self-finance post-secondary school training tracks pointing toward lucrative careers.
Hazel Green pulled off the win last night at Madison County, 7-21. The young men on both sides chased and pounded each other into the ground like warriors. Their seasons barely started, they'll use lessons from this game to start discussions about where they want to be after their secondary school playing years are over.
As the planes buzzed overhead, as the trains chugged by, as a single helicopter flew a little too close to the stadium, I wondered about my own career and what my parents would have thought 30 years ago as I took off my graduation cap and gown to start my post-secondary school life.
Certainly, I am not where I thought I would be with a fully-financed Navy ROTC scholarship at Georgia Tech in my hand back then.
I imagined myself a storyteller from age five onward, writing when and where I can/could. That's where I've always been, my career track a consequence of putting food on the table and a little bit more than that. That's where I'll always be.
How many children in primary and secondary schools know who they are and who they will be from moment to moment? How many parents can say the same?
Circumstances do not make us who we are. Circumstances show to others what we're made of. Writers and thinkers have stated and restated those facts. Non-linguistic animals demonstrate those facts from birth. So do we.
You bring who you are to the game. You take away from the game an appreciation for others and what they're made of. If children know that innately, why do we adults so easily forget?
Isn't it time we relearned who we are and willingly/openly shared ourselves with those who have no want/desire to be what we ignorantly label enemies, who are really just temporary opponents in a game?
Der Englische Kanal
"Comrades, we are gathered here for this stupidous occasion to show we are free from the sceneries of the past."
[Voice coming through earbud] "Sir, that was supposed to be 'tremendous occasion' and 'tyrannies of the past.'"
"In this day and age, we are bound together, tied to the post..."
"'Bound to gather' and 'tired of the past.'"
"Determined to tick this clockwork..."
"'Determined to lick this problem...oh never mind, say what you want, you always do."
"I look across this expensive crowd, like a Friday evening when all the teens are gathered at the Mall, reconstituted in my deposition, to think you for putting us politicians and our personal agendas ahead of your own.
"Without your hard-earned money or the hard-earned money you've stolen via 'profits' from those who have little to say or give themselves, I would not have been able to make my way with police escorts and seventeen gas-guzzling SUVs while proving green technology with my electric minicar which, when I charge you ten times what it costs to produce, will allow me to siphon more money from the destitute and hungry.
"This day is mine! It will continue to be mine! That's right, cheer!!! You have made me a megagazillionaire with your foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces and job losses!
"Okay, okay, quiet. You're embarrassing yourselves with your zombie zealousness.
"I have a serious announcement to make. In order to combat the propaganda being propelled across our hollowed grounds, I propose the following:
"One, that we will be taken lightly.
"Two, that as of this minute, we are no longer the political party you thought we were.
"Three, we are now the Conservative Liberal Literal Youth party, CLLY, pronounced silly. Go ahead, give yourselves the clap! I can't hear you!!!!
"We aren't like the other parties with their drink-flavoured titles. We're the party of the past, you know, like it's 1899. Okay, time to dance. Let's see some of you boogie out there to the tune my backup band has composed just for this moment.
"And four, let's give a great round of ammunition to those who've interrupted their marathon role-playing computer games in order to tune in to our broadcast. I personally thank my accountant for the brilliant idea to charge high costs for what should normally be a free program on TV, along with placing high-margin adverts throughout my speech, meaning we'll charge more to those who've missed important segments of what I had to say today and want to fill in the blanks in my thoughts.
"Stupendous or tremendous, today is going to make me so stinking rich I couldn't fill an Olympic-sized betting pool and swim in it. What do you say to that?!!!
"Enough, enough. You're making me into an umbra pi.
"While you leave these Mall-like grounds, stop by the concession stands and souvenir booths and rack up as much credit card debt as you can. If you won't do it to starve your children back home, do it for poor ol' me, who had to fly in a used private jet because my new one is on backorder. Just a little more in my coffin and I'll be able to afford my own fleece of airplanes! That's right! The rich do get richer so keep the money flowing out of your mattresses and piggy backs 'cause the poor keep getting poorer and we don't want to ruin a good cliché in these bad times, do we? We have you Conservative Liberals and the Literal Youth to consider.
"One last thing, while you listen to the rest of the scheduled speakers on today's pogrom, help me help you by getting viruses with the video clips you've made of my ruinous wordiness. The more you cover the spread with my message, the bigger my empire gets and the better I can control you to give me more. After all, isn't that why we're here to gather in this place of Me worship?
"Be careful as you leave. They say there is a goose step in your walk...wait a minute, someone's saying something to me. Sorry, there's a loose step in the walkway. They also say I am your divine leader and can control the weather. Seek hail, everyone, seek hail.
"Maybe I can make that minicar walk on water one day! Wouldn't you love to see that?"
[Voice coming through earbud] "Sir, that was supposed to be 'tremendous occasion' and 'tyrannies of the past.'"
"In this day and age, we are bound together, tied to the post..."
"'Bound to gather' and 'tired of the past.'"
"Determined to tick this clockwork..."
"'Determined to lick this problem...oh never mind, say what you want, you always do."
"I look across this expensive crowd, like a Friday evening when all the teens are gathered at the Mall, reconstituted in my deposition, to think you for putting us politicians and our personal agendas ahead of your own.
"Without your hard-earned money or the hard-earned money you've stolen via 'profits' from those who have little to say or give themselves, I would not have been able to make my way with police escorts and seventeen gas-guzzling SUVs while proving green technology with my electric minicar which, when I charge you ten times what it costs to produce, will allow me to siphon more money from the destitute and hungry.
"This day is mine! It will continue to be mine! That's right, cheer!!! You have made me a megagazillionaire with your foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces and job losses!
"Okay, okay, quiet. You're embarrassing yourselves with your zombie zealousness.
"I have a serious announcement to make. In order to combat the propaganda being propelled across our hollowed grounds, I propose the following:
"One, that we will be taken lightly.
"Two, that as of this minute, we are no longer the political party you thought we were.
"Three, we are now the Conservative Liberal Literal Youth party, CLLY, pronounced silly. Go ahead, give yourselves the clap! I can't hear you!!!!
"We aren't like the other parties with their drink-flavoured titles. We're the party of the past, you know, like it's 1899. Okay, time to dance. Let's see some of you boogie out there to the tune my backup band has composed just for this moment.
"And four, let's give a great round of ammunition to those who've interrupted their marathon role-playing computer games in order to tune in to our broadcast. I personally thank my accountant for the brilliant idea to charge high costs for what should normally be a free program on TV, along with placing high-margin adverts throughout my speech, meaning we'll charge more to those who've missed important segments of what I had to say today and want to fill in the blanks in my thoughts.
"Stupendous or tremendous, today is going to make me so stinking rich I couldn't fill an Olympic-sized betting pool and swim in it. What do you say to that?!!!
"Enough, enough. You're making me into an umbra pi.
"While you leave these Mall-like grounds, stop by the concession stands and souvenir booths and rack up as much credit card debt as you can. If you won't do it to starve your children back home, do it for poor ol' me, who had to fly in a used private jet because my new one is on backorder. Just a little more in my coffin and I'll be able to afford my own fleece of airplanes! That's right! The rich do get richer so keep the money flowing out of your mattresses and piggy backs 'cause the poor keep getting poorer and we don't want to ruin a good cliché in these bad times, do we? We have you Conservative Liberals and the Literal Youth to consider.
"One last thing, while you listen to the rest of the scheduled speakers on today's pogrom, help me help you by getting viruses with the video clips you've made of my ruinous wordiness. The more you cover the spread with my message, the bigger my empire gets and the better I can control you to give me more. After all, isn't that why we're here to gather in this place of Me worship?
"Be careful as you leave. They say there is a goose step in your walk...wait a minute, someone's saying something to me. Sorry, there's a loose step in the walkway. They also say I am your divine leader and can control the weather. Seek hail, everyone, seek hail.
"Maybe I can make that minicar walk on water one day! Wouldn't you love to see that?"
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