From The Department of Consistent Inconsistencies

Sad news for my campaign finance officer, who had connected a tap into the international monetary exchange system from which he had siphoned off trillions, and the many volunteers around the country who had organised launches to my presidential candidate party aboard the secret Bigelow/SpaceShipTwo joint development project I was going to announce later this week...

My campaign manager advised me, after discussion with the cackle of lawyers I intentionally overpay, that in the slate of promises I successfully used to receive a vote of confidence from the invisible board of directors for total control of the world government in hiding - especially my promise not to double-dip - I cannot serve as leader of the free world and world leader at the same time.

Therefore, with much regret at how much fun I will miss giving stump speeches about:

• requirements that all voters must cite at least five promises the candidate for which they'll vote has made, with a guess as to which four promises will not be kept, 
• selling a slew of pork barrels (containing everything under the sun but pork), in sizes from one that fits on a keychain to one that can barely roll down a six-lane carriageway, with prizes inside specially-marked packages,
• promising a pony in every garage (as soon as Ford completes its transfer of funds to my offshore account),
• guaranteeing a bottle of HFCS [a/k/a corn sugar] in every kitchen (having already received my ADM multimillion "donation"),
• warm stories recounting my childhood, including the mosquito I saved from a life of addiction to blood,
• finessing the art of heckling the hecklers,

I formally withdraw my name from the hat holding the paper slips listing pre-non-candidates for the 2012 U.S. Presidential race, with the caveat that should I desire to no longer rule the whole world under the tight control and guidance of my colleagues, associates and friends, I may at any time bribe U.S. voters to cast their ballots toward me and my as-yet-undetermined vice presidential running mate (although Underdog and Smoky the bluetick hound dog were the two likeliest running mates under consideration).

Back to putting intolerance in its place.  No matter who you are or where you live, my network is watching you and making plans on how to put you to use for purposes which you'll never be fully aware!

Attractions and Detractions

Positive news: UT football team players keep their heads in the whole game. Next on the list will be overcoming mistakes.

Thanks to UT physical plant team; Crown & Goose kitchen staff, Scott, barman; Pizza Palace staff, Ashley.

Negative news: personally, I spit on the folks involved in annexing my folks' area, who claim they are doing my parents and others a favour by increasing their taxes during their fixed income years. Kingsport, I will make sure I reduce my shopping in your landgrab city limits. May the fleas of a thousand stray dogs infect you city planners and others in the Model City's administrative positions!

Good, I feel better. I can look forward to a peaceful week of whatever life is supposed to be all about in the funny pages. Goodbye, Cathy, your domestic comics entertained us quietly.

A New Hero

"This meeting is called to order."

"The Brotherhood of the Pure French Race is all present and accounted for, sir."

"Good. What is on tonight's agenda?"

"Awarding the Special Commendation of the Order of The Purist."

"For six decades you have brought up this award and offered me no candidates. It is about time we abolish this award and create one for the Not-So-Pure, is it not?"

"As direct heir to the throne of the French Empire, Ms. Bruni, sir, you may do what you wish. However, this evening we would like to nominate your 'usband."

"And what has my husband accomplished that qualifies him for this award?"

"He has started the process whereby we will rid our country of the impure. First, he transfers the gypsy population. Next he will transfer..."

"Enough! You cannot give away state secrets, even in this private of private meetings!"

"But, sir, you yourself said that the World War II was a secret plot by the French to destroy the Germans and establish the French Empire once again."

"I am surrounded by imbeciles. Why did I think that fashion magazine owners and writers could keep quiet?"

"You hired us because we are your biggest fans."

"And you have taught me that 'fan' is not the same as fanatic or fanaticism. If only Napoleon could advise me on what to do..."

"What about your 'usband?"

"He is no Napoleon."

"But does he deserve the award?"

"What? Oui, oui. Give him the award. It will make the extremists happy. The rest of the French people are apathetic and will not care. He will hold the confidence of the ones who count."

"Let the records show that the power behind the throne has selected her 'usband for the award given for the first time in sixty years."

"This meeting is adjourned. We will gather in the cabaret for our apres-meeting aperitifs. Adieu."

Why?

A friend, who promised to fix the economic woes for a favour, asked me to solidify the voting base for Sarah Palin.  I have honoured the request and wait for the favour to be returned.

Now, it's up to the other side to show me what they can offer in return.

Remember, I play both sides against the middle, hoping compromise puts the economy in this sector of the world in a state where more people are actively using their capabilities for improved self-esteem.

Otherwise, the world is a grand comedy to my sense of humour.

Time to sit back and enjoy the show!

Is Buddhism Pseudo-Christianity or the other way around?

Experts outside my network have informed me that Buddhism performed its usual role of absorbing and becoming part of the societies that argue about who has the best religion, overcoming Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Hinduism as the religion of choice amongst the world's youth, where peace rather than war is the word du jour.

Meanwhile, the Interplanetary Youth Brigade announced that all local, national and international political candidates and government workers on Earth must take the Turing Test in order to separate the robots from the real to properly point out who has been making decisions about how to wisely redistribute the people's public monies and who has been simply following preprogrammed instructions.

Friends reminded me they have fun with my light-hearted poke at conspiracies, showing me that the first generation of "discovered" artificial lifeforms is still under investigation by skeptics and believers alike, whilst I point out the youngest generation of our species continues working on the latest regeneration of artificial life.

A German reminds the Americans what they're supposed to be made of.

The Book of the Future has not stopped predicting that our species will merge with an artificial lifeform yet to be.  The witch doctor warns us to be prepared for this transition period in which the old species will fall behind and use barbarianism to attempt one last defense of its existence, "losing" in the end (the witch doctor won't say why "losing" is in quotes, which could mean the old species won the war but lost the fight?).

Some of my colleagues, during post-processing of photographs of artifacts under glass, showed me the messages we were expecting in the 360-degree view we had been advised to look for.  In a reflected image, using infrared and ultraviolet light filters, one finds much that the human eye cannot.

We shall respond to these messages when the prime opportunity presents itself shortly.  Here is the code key we were asked to show at this time [you must use an amber CRT at 60 Hz refresh rate to decode it]:



Global empirebuilding creates no favourites, only flagrante flavours of the moment.  Of course, since/because we live in the moment, we can't see anything but what we see.

Unless you knew the moment doesn't really exist.

Let's say you knew who was handholding the handholders who were leading the majority down the rosy path of living in the moment.

Let's say you were able to unplug the youngest generation from massively maneuvered mass media movements.

Let's say you were willing to face a high level of chaotic noise for something better, if not quieter.

Let's say you knew there was something and nothing more to know than what is there before you.

Very few could handle the destruction of all the self-deceptive veils that surround us.

If it's for the few that the rest of the species lives, then would you be okay with that?

Or would you rather believe that every individual reserves the right to become part of the few?

Should I say more?  Certain colleagues say the precious cargo I carry is not ready for primetime.  Best stick to humour and let the preplanned scenarios continue to play out.

Am I a player or the amateur professional amateur wondering wanderer I profess to be?

Those who put the moment to their best advantage are those to whom you'll pay attention the most.  Why should I bother to divert your attention from simple gaze-based programming already built into us?

My friends in the drug cartel business are thrilled that Paris Hilton is getting so much attention with her [alleged] cocaine and marijuana use, hoping she'll get more attention, no matter whether it's because she received no jailtime or she received hard jailtime.  Either way, it's free publicity for them!  They thank my friends in the mass media business for continuing to promote freewheelers like Ms. Hilton - they say there's plenty money in the slush fund (in the guise of behind-the-scenes perks and overpaid adverts) to go around, now that one of their major distributors is in the hands of U.S. authorities, lowering the number of players and thus increasing their profitable slice of the pie.

Taking down a criminal is never the answer.  Changing how the system works is.  Do you know how?

Ninety Years Later

Did you celebrate on 26th August 2010?  If anyone made a big deal of 90 years of women's suffrage in the United States, I missed it.  And yet...

Yet, here we are, contemplating a not-so-unique-anymore idea in 2010 - Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Ann Dunwoody on the 2012 Republican Party ticket, switching Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin over to the Tea Party nomination to keep people in suspense for the runup to the runoffs.

Meanwhile, Steve Jobs does his job getting the Apple faithful excited about the new iPod changes, after talking about gaming and iOS 4.2.  First the shuffle, and then...

Where would we be if we didn't have something interesting to bite our teeth into?

What if "What if?"?

The curios* implore, "What is the bigger picture?"

An ant explores the ceiling fan light globe.

Having no vested interest in the outcome of local/national political elections around the globe, I turn my gaze toward what the corporapolitico types could/will do for the species.

It is the end game I was raised/trained to play effectively. Ultimately, a zero-sum game, with daily winners/losers.

It is about neither treehugging nor total wilderness wipeout. It involves both.

It is providing a path for the hungry to get to food and a path for the wealthy to get richer - limitations, built into the way our planet works, restrict both paths.

It is not about these words although the words here describe the process at a high level thinly.

Proverbially, the pendulum swings to all points on the compass. In other words there is hope for everyone.

Thus, those who serve the people first and by permission of the people then benefit transparently (amazing, what a large number of transparent steps ahead will do for those who attract others willing to play along) win the most.

Do closed-door deals go away? Of course not. This is the real world, after all, not some utopian paradise where our personalities and family histories become one noncontroversial ode to joy.

In my part of the world, there appears to be a conservative "back to basics" movement gaining traction. Pop culture personalities, conservative or not, are working within the moneymaking system to take advantage of this moment.

I know that people are asking themselves, "If an SNL actor/writer/comedian can serve in the U.S. Capitol, then why can't a talk show host or resigned Alaska politician serve in the White House, especially if an actor/governor already has?"

Hope. That's going to underscore many a speech leading up to November elections in this country. The rhetoric will flow like New England maple sap in the fall. Politics as usual will rule the airwaves.

Now, I'm nothing special, a former restaurant kitchen dishwasher and Appalachian Trail hiker, so what am I doing here pretending to know anything about politics?

I don't. But my network does.

We don't predict elections. Instead, we survey the landscape to determine what makes candidates tick. Political favours never go out of style.

The likely voters will likely vote for whom they like.

After the elections, the select few will be selected to be let in on how true transparency works.

The rest will follow their whims and, where they think it best works politically, the wishes of the people.

Complications arise out of ignored eddies and backwaters.

Governing seven billion people is not an exact science. That's why our network doesn't get involved directly in politics. Our goals are too general, unable to be translated into local politics on an easy changing basis to keep the elected and the voters happy constantly.

The system's not rigged but it's tested all the time, to divide truth from rhetoric for use later on - to benefit all seven billion of us ultimately.

Like I said, you'll see. It's you who runs the network, after all!

-----
*What a difference "u" makes.

Mobile Phone and Cell Tower Manufacturers Say, "Don't Blame Us For Your Cancer!"

What is a life less ordinary?  Are you an urban or faubourg dweller?  Do you expect your transportation device to be your sanctuary away from home, or perhaps even home itself?

Well, what if we told you our species can no longer afford to give you privacy anymore?

What if we planted the seeds of class warfare by saying that only the rich will be able to say what is and what isn't a right of privacy by virtue of who can afford lead-lined autos, caravans and lorries?

My life is not my own, I know that.  But do you?:

Full-Body Scan Technology Deployed In Street-Roving Vans

I'm not a fan of Beck or Palin, seeing them as puppets of the Murdoch empire's desire to grow out of the media business and get fully entrenched in running world politics.

Therefore, I'll let you in on a little secret.  Those who play the game for real will use these popular media figureheads to complete their agenda without you even noticing.  It's just too easy to sway those who've been led to believe they're backed into a virtual corner with no hope to do your bidding, thinking they've independently arrived at the same conclusion as the masses.

• Did you know that non-Oirish tiger teams are already scoping out neighbourhoods where best to make a quick, tidy profit in all parts of the world (for instance, using Google maps and illegal copies of full body scans to detail the locations/routes/habits of those who walk/drive around wearing expensive clothing/accessories), security teams bribed to look the other way and the local police totally unaware or unable to help?  "Average" middle-class families with regular incomes are on the target lists now.

• Would you believe that nanotechnology is in use in our workplace, fully deployed in the water supply, bottled water/soda stations and vending machines, turning workers into codependent addicts?

• Did you know that the contents of your mobile phone are periodically collected by mobile phone companies and passed to authorities in order to keep tabs on your whereabouts, friends, texts, emails, music preferences, shopping habits and photography subject tendencies?

You might if you listened to what planted microphones are picking up from conversations of those gathered to hear speeches near U.S. national government headquarters this weekend.  Security cameras, body scanners and DNA air sniffers have identified all the weekend's participants in order to catalog culprits to pin false criminal charges (using networks like Fox against themselves) to discredit the leaders of this first wave and get ready for the real leaders to emerge victorious - again, if you believe what others are whispering/texting back and forth conspiratorially.

When you're rich and bored, fast sports cars and pretty playtoys are boring, are they not?  Why sit in front of the computer playing The Sims when you get real people to play out much more complicated scenarios for your casual entertainment (and fattened earnings in the process)?

Back to my real life, where sorting clothes to be washed is a weekly bore chore.  ;)

Der Englische Kanal

"Comrades, we are gathered here for this stupidous occasion to show we are free from the sceneries of the past."

[Voice coming through earbud] "Sir, that was supposed to be 'tremendous occasion' and 'tyrannies of the past.'"

"In this day and age, we are bound together, tied to the post..."

"'Bound to gather' and 'tired of the past.'"

"Determined to tick this clockwork..."

"'Determined to lick this problem...oh never mind, say what you want, you always do."

"I look across this expensive crowd, like a Friday evening when all the teens are gathered at the Mall, reconstituted in my deposition, to think you for putting us politicians and our personal agendas ahead of your own.

"Without your hard-earned money or the hard-earned money you've stolen via 'profits' from those who have little to say or give themselves, I would not have been able to make my way with police escorts and seventeen gas-guzzling SUVs while proving green technology with my electric minicar which, when I charge you ten times what it costs to produce, will allow me to siphon more money from the destitute and hungry.

"This day is mine!  It will continue to be mine!  That's right, cheer!!!  You have made me a megagazillionaire with your foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces and job losses!

"Okay, okay, quiet.  You're embarrassing yourselves with your zombie zealousness.

"I have a serious announcement to make.  In order to combat the propaganda being propelled across our hollowed grounds, I propose the following:

"One, that we will be taken lightly.

"Two, that as of this minute, we are no longer the political party you thought we were.

"Three, we are now the Conservative Liberal Literal Youth party, CLLY, pronounced silly.  Go ahead, give yourselves the clap!  I can't hear you!!!!

"We aren't like the other parties with their drink-flavoured titles.  We're the party of the past, you know, like it's 1899.  Okay, time to dance.  Let's see some of you boogie out there to the tune my backup band has composed just for this moment.

"And four, let's give a great round of ammunition to those who've interrupted their marathon role-playing computer games in order to tune in to our broadcast.  I personally thank my accountant for the brilliant idea to charge high costs for what should normally be a free program on TV, along with placing high-margin adverts throughout my speech, meaning we'll charge more to those who've missed important segments of what I had to say today and want to fill in the blanks in my thoughts.

"Stupendous or tremendous, today is going to make me so stinking rich I couldn't fill an Olympic-sized betting pool and swim in it.  What do you say to that?!!!

"Enough, enough.  You're making me into an umbra pi.

"While you leave these Mall-like grounds, stop by the concession stands and souvenir booths and rack up as much credit card debt as you can.  If you won't do it to starve your children back home, do it for poor ol' me, who had to fly in a used private jet because my new one is on backorder.  Just a little more in my coffin and I'll be able to afford my own fleece of airplanes!  That's right!  The rich do get richer so keep the money flowing out of your mattresses and piggy backs 'cause the poor keep getting poorer and we don't want to ruin a good cliché in these bad times, do we?  We have you Conservative Liberals and the Literal Youth to consider.

"One last thing, while you listen to the rest of the scheduled speakers on today's pogrom, help me help you by getting viruses with the video clips you've made of my ruinous wordiness.  The more you cover the spread with my message, the bigger my empire gets and the better I can control you to give me more.  After all, isn't that why we're here to gather in this place of Me worship?

"Be careful as you leave.  They say there is a goose step in your walk...wait a minute, someone's saying something to me.  Sorry, there's a loose step in the walkway.  They also say I am your divine leader and can control the weather.  Seek hail, everyone, seek hail.

"Maybe I can make that minicar walk on water one day!  Wouldn't you love to see that?"

Picture Stand

Alone with myself for the most part of the day going on three years now.  Recalling memories more than making them.

This morning, I hang in mid-air, my tinnitus acting like an antigravity medium or viscous fluid with me colloidally suspended.

I remember, because of an audiocassette tape labelled "POWER DIVISION SALES PRESENTATION (c) 1983," the summer I visited Abraham Lincoln's law office in Springfield, IL, with future lawyer Rodney Pillsbury; walked alone through Hannibal, Missouri, home of memories belonging to Samuel "Mark Twain" Clemens.

Other names: Og Mandino, Dave Dean and Zig Ziglar.  Nashville.  Iowa.  St. Louis.

Farm fields.  Subdivisions.  Rivers.  Towns.  A flat tire.  Sleeping in basements or attics to save money.  Killing a jackrabbit with my car.

Lonely elderly ladies wanting to talk for hours about their dogs or African violets.

Country roads.  No.  Closed door.  No.  No soliciting.  Not interested.  We don't take kindly to strangers in these parts.

These memories come back to me through my brain, I suppose.  I don't think muscle memory recalls walking door-to-door in the summer heat, my jaws clacking while I recited a sales pitch in hopes of getting a person interested in a two-volume "encyclopedia."

I'm getting older, my mental dictionary growing yet shrinking, suddenly realising that I meant "droves," not "troves," in a previous blog entry (although troves gave the sentence another meaning just as interesting).

And I had such high hopes for "Inception," expecting more than "Jacob's Ladder II."  Maybe we need another Ring Cycle from a great composer/director to tell all there is to tell in the telling.

If you told me that the conservative right-wing political movement popular in my part of the world was led in part by a woman who quit her high-profile political job to pursue a selfish career in public speaking and has a daughter who conceived a child out of wedlock, I'd think I was in some sort of Inception deception, that's for sure.

And this is the real world, right?

High drama.  Low-brow comedy.  We...

I remind myself to say I don't know anything.  I am a robot whose only function is to encourage us to get a small population of our re-engineered species off the planet.

Just because reality appears to beat any comedian in acting out a great farce doesn't mean I should write skits for the sideshow acts, does it?

If I already know what's going to happen next, then anything I do or say should not have an effect on the outcome.  But I know that's not true.  The world isn't draining the U.S. of its resources in order to drive it into a downward-spiralling depression - this country's economic input/output is essential to global commerce, is it not?  Surely we're past the days of national-level revenge, when the new bullies on the block got to push has-beens around for fun and increased earnings?

My colleagues tell me to be quiet, that I talk too much.  Their investments are much more important than my humorous musings.

I don't know what to say.  I wanted to say that I value the idea of freedom that this country once represented.  But if a court of judges in our country can declare that only the rich have the right to privacy in their own yard/driveway, then where can I turn to declare our species has the natural right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"?

This is no longer my country.  It was taken over by conspiracy theorists and overzealous defenders against global terrorism long ago.  J. Edgar Hoover would be proud.  Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin not so much.

Why work my brain over to discover new ways to combine words if we assign corporations and governments the right to control our societies?  What happened to the right of the individual, innocent until proven guilty and all the other ideals handed to me in my youth?  Why my struggle to defend our species against ourselves for little or no reason, a hand trowel trying to hold back a tsunami wave?  Why not just hand over my whole body to be plugged into the "anything you say, I'll do" machine and get it over with?

I'm tired.  I'm older in thought than I thought possible.  I live only in this moment and this moment is so twisted out of shape, I'm afraid I can't find my way out.

Now that's comedy worth writing, an endless loop of endless loops of improbable contradictions, expressed not so much visually but in all states of energy at once in a single moment, revealing the levels that my colleagues don't think the mass-hypnotised masses are ready to see yet.

I wonder if this audiocassette tape still works.  Maybe there's a worthwhile message in it that I've forgotten.

Alpha Centaurians Sue Over "Miss Universe" Title

I envy those who get fan mail.  Must be thrilling to see piles of letters from the Post Office practically glowing with praise.  I get faint praise in the form of trust in my network's ability to answer questions submitted to us.

I'll sort through my inbox and address a class of inquiries about the area of our world often called Iraq.

To those who've asked if it's Satan's private security firms that're financing the attacks on Iraqi soldier/police trainees, I refer you to the following paragraph.

To those who've asked if it's the Iranian government that's financing the attacks on Iraqi soldier/police trainees, I refer you to the previous paragraph.

To the men who are suppressing formal education of women anywhere in the world, our resident witch doctor has concocted a special brew that the doctor's using in a curse ceremony to be conducted later today, condemning the cursed men and their offspring to eternal misery, including incurable diseases that don't kill you but subject you to lifelong pain and disfigurement, the inability to succeed in building multigenerational businesses, migraine headaches, the constant feeling that people are conspiring against you, sores that won't heal, bedbugs, incontinence, lice, insomnia, starvation/gluttony, nicotine/TV/Internet/fastfood addiction, alcoholism, infidelity and bad movies/TV shows.  If you don't believe us, look at those who've already suffered from previous curses sent out by both the witch doctor and the witch doctor's ancestors/friends.

Remember that we need all seven billion of us positively focused on saving the species from itself.  Otherwise, we're doomed (and are dooming others) to repeat the failures of our ancestors.

Back to my reading [yawn!], combining Marxist and U.S. conservative Republican book lists into a interesting week of sorting out where our interlinked societies are headed together.  Toss aside the labels and the propaganda and you see what our melting pot is turning into.

Some days, I get bored helping you place in your thoughts the idea of planned killings (bombings, wars, skirmishes, raids, mob hits, etc.) in opposition/likeness to what appears on the surface to be quasi-random ones (domestic/workplace violence, suicide, etc.), knowing the majority of you won't care about the difference as long as you feel like you're following guidelines clearly defined for the lifestyle you prefer and get rewarded for (or at least won't get punished for occasionally straying from) your semiconsistent behaviour.

In the future, as more and more of our lives become permanent, public record, let us allow ourselves the flexibility, the room, the joy, the disappointment of inconsistency, because, as we all know, none of us is perfect.  We are the imperfect examples of ourselves to ourselves first and foremost.  If a hiring manager can use your social media profile as a basis for determining your character, then by a future law you should be able to review the details of the hiring manager's life, public AND private, (as well as the lives of the manager's friends/associates/colleagues) to determine if you want to work for the manager, since the manager is in a unique, privileged gatekeeping position.  Transparency is not multifaceted - it has no sides to display/protect.

We don't die on the Internet - our caricatures just keep getting stranger.  Glad we have humour to smooth out and soothe the bumps and bruises.

Bobbing For Apples Amidst Miniature Sharks

I haven't read today's entertainment headlines (i.e., the news) so pardon me if I'm behind the times here. What if the DRK stated the following?: "Upon review of our naval military maneuvers, we have discovered the possibility that one of our offensive weapons inoffensively discharged. As an act of international goodwill, we are compensating the inadvertent victims of an accident at sea in order to show we are a compassionate people who forgive others for their accusatory lies. We are generous, able to share our abundant resources, willing to open fair trade treaties with our inferiour exploitative enemies to the south." If they already released that statement, I am a happy man. If not, I am always a patient man.

Goulash in the Gulag

Government versus Corporation.  An endless debate, involving words.  Are there not more important issues to discuss?

Perhaps he knows:

Neither a martyr nor an enemy of the state, says he

Let's get back to the country life, where we can watch the crops grow and discuss science and math on a casual, cool basis.

Readin', writin', and 'rithmetic - what else can we ask of our kids?

Why did they stop giving out the Fickle Finger of Fate Award?

"So you're the new Australian leader?"

"And you're the old German leader."

"Who are you calling 'old'?"

"It's an expression.  I didn't mean..."

"That's all right.  We're all sisters here."

"So what do you suggest for my new agenda?"

"First of all, I'm curious.  What is this dish you call 'prawns on the barbie'"?

"Prawns?  Well, are you familiar with the swimming creature with all the legs?"

"Esther Williams?  Stephanie Rice? Or perhaps Ian Thorpe?"

"Very funny.  Better than Karen König.  No, I refer to a tiny crustacean with large feelers."

"The British prime minister?"

"Yes, I suppose he seems to have a rather thin shell.  But no, I'm trying to describe a shrimp."

"You don't mean..."

"Don't say it..."

"But the likeness..."

"Incredible, isn't it?"

"Ja!"

"What is the secret to your strong but tender leadership?"

"Let them think they are dealing with an inexperienced politician while you are positioning your assistants to get the information your opponents do not even realise they have on you...and then, use it against them with a motherly smile on your face."

"Motherly?"

"Not in the way you think.  'Mother' as in motherland or fatherland, a familiar person upon whom you depend, which may also be tough or soft or not even like a parent at all."

"But I am no mother."

"Das ist richtig."

"What, then, do you suggest to pump up the enthusiasm in upcoming Australian elections?"

"Send your cohabitation partner to Spain.  It will raise many eyebrows and make your people realise you are no Princess Di."

"That sounds counterproductive."

"But the American president seems to think it works that way."

"He is a man.  He does not think like us."

"That's not what some people say."

"True, but he is still a man, all the same.  Do you have any better suggestions?"

"You are no Mother Teresa but maybe now is time to embrace saving grace of religion to get our world economy out of the doldrums."

"That would seem hypocritical to the Australian people."

"Not if you said it in way that implies economic recession condition is God's punishment for people's lack of faith in your leadership."

"Hmm...it might work."

"Natürlich!"

"Let me think about it."

"While you think, get your people to speak.  Many TV and newspaper stories about people's natural belief in your wonderful leadership and your motherly inspiration will show the opposition is out of touch.  We find unregistered, out-of-work, want-to-be actors the best 'average citizen' to put in front of television camera."

"We Australians aren't like that."

"You ask my opinion.  I tell you my opinion.  Put out or shut up."

"I think you mean, 'put up or shut up'."

"Perhaps.  Ve haf many vays to make the people vote!"

"'Mother,' indeed."

Guangdong

What happened between 1982 and 1986 was documented for the Ones Who Go Before You.

Sounds too melodramatic for me but that's what they told me (no, not "THEY" or "THEM," just people like the rest of us).

I remember when I interviewed for a position in the troop that would represent the local Boy Scouts attending the national jamboree.  One of the interviewers said, "I'm keeping my eye on you."  That thought bounces around and resurfaces when I least expect it.  In fact, I know I repeat it in my thoughts and in my notes occasionally.

Why repeat it?  Because it's what adults seem to like to do: pick out a promising person, say a few words of encouragement and watch the effect.

A robin shoves its offspring out of the nest.  Same thing.

A female spider consumes its mate.  Not the same thing.

Which brings me (takes me or carries me, colloquially speaking) to the subject of rumours.

"I know what you did last summer."

"I saw the way you [mis]treated your employee."

"I know what those bruises and prick marks indicate."

"Great job on that speech you gave the other day!"

"No one has the spreadsheet macro programming skills like you."

"Keep up the good work!"

"Another 50 reps and you'll be strong enough to play first string."

"Sorry, but we're going to have to call in your bets - your debt limit is too high for the boss to ignore, even for an important member of the family like you.  You know, if you don't pay, personal family members of yours will mysteriously burn in a house fire, right?"

Now, what exactly do those sentences tell you?  Could you create a set of rumours that told a story for every one of them?  Why don't teachers give you assignments like that?

How many of us would want to see all the rumours surrounding our stages of growth?

I heard many about me growing up and savoured the variety, ignoring most of them because I didn't have time to address the creative thoughts of idle minds, mine being busy creating its own set of humorous anecdotes about fellow members of the subcultures through which I passed.

Thus, when I hear about bullying in school, I wonder why young people let themselves worry about what others say about them.  I mean, after all, strength is in holding your ground and raising yourself on a pedestal, not waiting for others to knock you down (verbally speaking; physical bullying is another matter-against-matter, states-of-energy engagement that takes requisite skill in collecting strong friends and a wickedly complimentary mouth).

If you go with the crowd, then you're subject to mass/mob rule.

If you go with your instincts, as finely tuned as mine were by my loving parents, then you don't need the crowd for self-reliance and self-approval, knowing that family is the most important guiding light for the trailblazing path you make.

My mother and father didn't raise me based on rumours they heard.  They raised me based on direct experience.  They provided my firm foundation for me being me, no matter who I would be in the eyes of others.

My mother and father also instilled those beliefs in many generations of students - my mother teaching the first year in primary school and my father teaching college/university courses for adults (in age if not in action) - many students coming back to tell my parents how much they appreciated my parents' strong roles in their happy, successful lives.

So I guess I could say I learned to listen to my adult teachers and the supportive actions of my friends, not the vapourish rumours passing up and down the school hallways.

Of course, as an adult, I've learned there's a way to rule others using rumours (i.e., often the incomplete, first impressions that people get about their peers) but it is a precarious form of leadership, directing the fickle flow of the masses on macro- and microscales simultaneously.  Far better to rule by facts, as brutally honest as they can be sometimes, depending on a sufficient number of individuals to see truth rather than flake out on the fiction of popular crowd movements (in other words, acting as anchor points for you when the inevitable furies and storms blow rapidly through rumour mills).