Why did they stop giving out the Fickle Finger of Fate Award?

"So you're the new Australian leader?"

"And you're the old German leader."

"Who are you calling 'old'?"

"It's an expression.  I didn't mean..."

"That's all right.  We're all sisters here."

"So what do you suggest for my new agenda?"

"First of all, I'm curious.  What is this dish you call 'prawns on the barbie'"?

"Prawns?  Well, are you familiar with the swimming creature with all the legs?"

"Esther Williams?  Stephanie Rice? Or perhaps Ian Thorpe?"

"Very funny.  Better than Karen König.  No, I refer to a tiny crustacean with large feelers."

"The British prime minister?"

"Yes, I suppose he seems to have a rather thin shell.  But no, I'm trying to describe a shrimp."

"You don't mean..."

"Don't say it..."

"But the likeness..."

"Incredible, isn't it?"

"Ja!"

"What is the secret to your strong but tender leadership?"

"Let them think they are dealing with an inexperienced politician while you are positioning your assistants to get the information your opponents do not even realise they have on you...and then, use it against them with a motherly smile on your face."

"Motherly?"

"Not in the way you think.  'Mother' as in motherland or fatherland, a familiar person upon whom you depend, which may also be tough or soft or not even like a parent at all."

"But I am no mother."

"Das ist richtig."

"What, then, do you suggest to pump up the enthusiasm in upcoming Australian elections?"

"Send your cohabitation partner to Spain.  It will raise many eyebrows and make your people realise you are no Princess Di."

"That sounds counterproductive."

"But the American president seems to think it works that way."

"He is a man.  He does not think like us."

"That's not what some people say."

"True, but he is still a man, all the same.  Do you have any better suggestions?"

"You are no Mother Teresa but maybe now is time to embrace saving grace of religion to get our world economy out of the doldrums."

"That would seem hypocritical to the Australian people."

"Not if you said it in way that implies economic recession condition is God's punishment for people's lack of faith in your leadership."

"Hmm...it might work."

"Natürlich!"

"Let me think about it."

"While you think, get your people to speak.  Many TV and newspaper stories about people's natural belief in your wonderful leadership and your motherly inspiration will show the opposition is out of touch.  We find unregistered, out-of-work, want-to-be actors the best 'average citizen' to put in front of television camera."

"We Australians aren't like that."

"You ask my opinion.  I tell you my opinion.  Put out or shut up."

"I think you mean, 'put up or shut up'."

"Perhaps.  Ve haf many vays to make the people vote!"

"'Mother,' indeed."